Life is all about hope that shatters
My Little Prince,
One night in a bar, I saw him, tall, beautiful blue eyes and a mischievous smile he had. A short introduction of who we were and then our tongues could no longer stop, conversations flowed, his wittiness I adored, and trapped I was by his intellectual endurance, forever. Until the next morning when he blatantly confessed while I was devoring him with my Asian eyes that he was in love with ... men. That's when all hope shattered with one unspeakable truth. Now he is my alter ego, the other side of life, my duality, I am the fire, he is my air, he is feminine, and bright and I am the dark element who needs the light. Now he is on the other side of the Atlantic, my alter ego. Will I find his straight equivalent one day?
Six years already? Or Six years later?
Have I forgotten? So far, but still so close.Labels: As the years go by...
Agony after the attack
One on my left, one on my right, at 1:00 a.m., in a dark alley; it was raining and cold. The one on my right asked me what time it was, I had a strange, very strange feeling that something wasn’t right. Suddenly, the one on my left grabbed me, grabbed my bag, grabbed my entire life, pushed me down and beat me. I resisted until I realized that I could face death. I shouted. I collapsed. I was profaned in my body. Casualties at the hospital. A hospital where people suffer in silence and don't talk by fear of repercussions. Two witnesses identified them during arraignment. I sued them for damages. I would have sued them to hell. They were sentenced, 6 months in jail. Not enough for me, but enough in the eyes of the Justice. Justice can’t afford putting petty criminals in overflooding state financed prison. They were 20 and jobless. I was innocent and a victim. While I was fearless at night, now I am afraid to walk alone in the dark.Labels: As the years go by...
The Anti-Valentine Month # 3: Can women and men be friends?
... friendship is in the eyes of the beholder. Some women find friendship between a straight man and a straight woman to be more enlightening because they can easily talk about their (failed) relationships or anything related to sex without getting the judgmental look that women can often have towards another woman. More serioulsy, it takes two to make that kind of a relationship work. If that bond does not lead to any desire, it can surely be of the greatest value to their inner self; but for this to work, does the man have to be a priest and the woman a saint? Do I aspire to be a saint? Not really... but wouldn't that be fabulous? A true male friend... I thought I had found one, until my straight male friend met his newfound love. Is friendship between a man and a woman doomed once the man finds his love? It takes three to make that kind of a relationship work, unless, the man is gay, says my friend X.
According to my friend X, straight men cannot be bound by a long-term friendship with a woman because there's always sex involved (i.e., a fantasy of seeing the woman naked or an ego booster for the man, an unconscious fantasy that the woman friend is secretly in love with the man), unless the woman is truly unattractive.
Shit. I only have gay or straight male friends. Is that mean I'm ugly? The unbelievable truth is unleashed: my straight male friends are now coupled with leggy blonde women totally out of my league. And they no longer confide in me. Is that mean I was an ugly duckling go-to-girl with some wit and conversation that they needed while they were feeling lonely? Okay, tomorrow, I'm making friends with women. I promise. Labels: Relationships et al., Self derision
The Anti-Valentine Month # 2: Saving the male
As I was heading home, I felt uncomfortable, something in the air that I couldn't picture quite clearly. A feeling of anxiety... an urgent need to uncover the constant agitation that surrounded me... And suddenly, I saw hundreds of men running around holding huge bouquets of red roses. Oh thank god, I get it, Valentine's day! As the traffic of men with red roses intensified, I slowly became a spectator of a sad picture show of men fearful of the repercussions if they accidentally failed to celebrate the feast of Saint Valentine. Ugh, women can be so fierce, sometimes. But shouldn't everyday be valentine's day for every couple?Labels: Relationships et al., Self derision
The Anti-Valentine Month # 1: Bashing the male neo-romantic stalker
Some men think that they are eagerly expected from the other party in the love transaction (i.e., women). They strive to teach women some “lessons” about life: they think women’s body language is the key; they watch for the telling spasms, the delirious moans, the subtle whispers in their ear while on the act, the touches, the moves, the words, the signs. Oh yes, THE signs. And they think the woman is their prey, for eternity.
Some men just think women like to be asked out in a direct, unromantic way, yet they should beware of spoiling the magic of the moment… but they think the worst case reaction from the other party in the love transaction would be a polite refusal with a shy(ish) smile that is in fact a strong, no-point-of-return objection.
Also some men are afraid of a strange virus that could be transmitted by the female gender. Oh God forbid, it’s not a STD. It’s related to reproduction. I agree, gentlemen, this is a well-founded fear, especially in overpopulated promiscuity-ridden modern cities where living in a tiny one-bedroom apartment is already a pure luxury. So usually, men like to opt for a “raincoat” throughout the rainy processes. Totally legitimate, after all, women are so unpredictable, we can never be sure of anyone nowadays…
One thing though for you gentlemen, abstain from considering women’s muteness as signaling acceptance and consent. Some women are well known for their lack of skills in saying the right thing at the right time, love or reproduction notwithstanding. Okay, I admit, maybe some women are notorious in picking the wrong people. Beware gents, in any case, we are very esoteric people. Never underestimate that.
Finally, just a word of advice gentlemen, some women just like to get in and out. They don’t want the chit chat.Labels: Relationships et al., Self derision
