From Espresso to Coffee with Milk: Thanks to you mom, I was a good catholic for three months

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Thanks to you mom, I was a good catholic for three months

After 81 days of cohabiting with my dearest mother in my tiny one-bedroom, she has left the premises and released me from 24/7 filial obligations. Finally a sweet taste of freedom.... and it tastes so good...! Now that I can reflect on the past three months, what have I endured?

1. Having to cope with home cooking and drinking wine every night with my mom; hence, gaining so many kilos;

2. Having to cope with my Mom every morning at 6 a.m. while she commands me to wear descent clothes (i.e., I am really not into fashion); I can still hear her yelling:

Mom: Is that what you are going to wear today?
Me: yeah.. why, what's wrong?
Mom: Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
Me: Nope... why?
Mom: Look at yourself, what will your colleagues say about you?
Me: I'm secluded in my office, mom.
Mom: What will your male colleagues say?
Me: They don't f&%%#g care, they have better things to do than checking me out, mother.
Mom: What will your boss say?
Me: .... .... My boss doesn't even know I exist, mom!!!
Mom: Look at yourself. That's why you are still single at your age.
Me: Ma, do you really think a guy is interested in a thirty-something bag who's living with her mom?
Mom: How dare you talk to me like that, you are the fruit of my womb, I cherished you!
Me: God, now you are a catholic.
Mom: How dare you invoke the name of the Lord.
Me: Ma, you are not even a catholic. Forget it. Doesn't work with me.

3. Having to cope with my mom every Sunday morning because I am not wearing my Sunday-best for mass.

4. Getting into a 10 minute argument with my mom every night because she doesn't let me watch "Temptation Island" or some other uncivilized reality TV shows.

5. Having to listen to classical music all weekend.

6. 81 days of backache for having slept in a baby-sized bed.

7. 81 nights of mosquitoe bites because I was sleeping in the living room which faces a garden with trees.

8. Not being able to commit any venial sins. Well, is it good or bad?

And now.., what will I miss?

1. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Okay, well... her presence, I guess.