10 situations you realize you're single ...
1. On your way back from the grocery store, carrying a plastic bag full of 3 bottles of cheap wine, a six pack, 3 frozen pizzas, 2 pints of Haggen Dazs (Dolce de Leche and Vanilla), 6 liters of mineral water and toilet paper, walking like a tetraplegic because the grocery bag weighs a ton and burns your fingers, sweating like a pig under 5 layers, trying to thread your way through the crowd which doesn't move forward because it's Saturday evening.2. On New Year's Eve, at the countdown: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4 3, 2, 1.... Happy New Year!!! You are surrounded by couples hugging and kissing, and you, suddenly feeling alone, grinning and wishing you had a cigarette between your fingers and/or a martini in your hand to keep you company; if you don't smoke or are not next to the bar, trying to act cool, but wishing you could bite your nails.
3. On your 3rd Sunday without waxing, you say maybe you should have a little waxing session but you postpone it to the following Saturday...
4. You decide not to do your laundry because your hamper is too heavy.
5. Your sexy lingerie is replaced by comfortable cotton underwear.
6. When your underwear has holes in it, but you nevertheless wear it.
7. You go to the restaurant with your married friends; somehow you are always seated at the end of the table.
8. You spend your Saturday evenings in front of the TV, you watch the same episode of Law & Order for the 5th time, you have your take-out Chinese and a beer, on your couch, legs across the coffee table.
9. You hear weird late night noise from your upstairs neighbor's apartment and you say to yourself, how strange, why are they moving their furniture at this time of the night?
10. On your 8th Saturday you still haven't waxed and you realize that maybe the reason why you're still single is because you haven't waxed and you look like a gorilla.
Labels: Relationships et al., Self derision
posted by The Little Prince's alter ego @ 10:28 PM
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